My husband and I have been serving with a ministry for about 4 years. Twice a year, there is a men’s weekend and a women’s weekend, and we get the opportunity to participate either by being a table leader, prayer warrior or support team which is like being a worker bee. We meet one night a week for 12 weeks then, spend 36 hours volunteering, praying, doing whatever we can to make this weekend a success. This past weekend, the Lord called me to do something very unusual. He told me to forgive myself for being overweight.
I have forgiven those who have failed me, hurt me, abandoned me, etc….not always easy, but obedient for healing. You may have heard this “Forgiveness is something you give away but get much more in return.” Forgiveness is freedom. I spoke these words: “Dana, I forgive you for being overweight. I forgive you for putting this wall of obesity around you as a faux protective covering. I forgive you for not taking care of your body. I forgive you for turning towards food to comfort. There is more to you than being a funny, fat girl”
The tears flowed and healing began. I had no idea how bitter that I had become towards myself. I literally felt 10 pounds lighter the next morning when I woke up. For so long, I have defined myself by my weight and size, I have not wanted to primp or shop for clothes, I have not had great self-care with the rest of myself because all I saw was an obesity failure. Being an All-or-Nothing person, I was not going to take care of my skin, hair and make-up since I did not like the way the rest of the way I looked. What a load of craptastic lies! I can be big and beautiful!
One of my dearest friends who also struggles with obesity is a confident woman with every hair in place and each nail painted. She sees herself as a beautiful creation no matter what the scales say. I desire that same confidence that comes within. No matter if I lose 40 or 80 pounds from this surgery, I will be content with myself. I am already practicing that skill before the operation. I feel lighter as I walk in confidence and not shame.
Sometimes, one has to forgive over and over, just as Christ says in His word “70 times 7”. I chose to forgive myself, make better decisions with my outward appearance and walk in contentment as He chisels me into His beauty and will.
What are you not forgiving? Is it yourself or another? Are you longing for freedom that comes from saying “I forgive……”