I remember being discontent about my looks from a young age. My mother was very vain and she would not leave the house without full make-up, every hair in place and jewelry shining. However, I am the opposite of her in this area and I guess that I sometimes wish that I was more into makeup. I apply my make-up on the way to church (never fear, my husband is driving). I have a hairstyle but prefer a ponytail, especially during the warm months in the south, March-October. Today, my jewelry consisted of my wedding band. But I did wear earrings at least twice last week. Yes, I am a Princess-Want-To-Be!!!
The last time that I saw my mom, we met for lunch on a beautiful October day, one week before she passed away. I applied extra mascara so I would get her approval. I put much care into my make-up that day, however, I was recovering from “the perm of 2000”. Normally, I have straight hair but not that season. I had curls, curls and more curls. I remember it well….my mom and I went to the restroom in the Olive Garden and she got out her teasing comb to help my appearance. Here I was, 30 years old, having my mom do my hair in a public restroom. She always liked me to have big hair, even when it was out of style. My mom had an enormous senior picture of me on her bedroom wall….it was 90% hair and 10% brace face. Now, it is hidden in my attic where things go to die.
These memories amuse me now but imagine the message that I received during my first 30 years….”curl your hair, put on more mascara, a little more blush would do you wonders, etc.” Society and even wonderful moms teach that beauty is outward while we need to be praising the beauty of a gentle spirit, modeling patience, goodness, and self-control, and accessorizing in peace and joy.
As my mom’s birthday approaches (the 14th one without her), I am remembering her fondly and wishing that I could see her again….I would apply extra make-up and possibly tease my hair a bit. I see characteristics that “do not fall far from the tree”. But I am choosing to have a healthier relationship with food and people. I am choosing to not hide behind make-up or weight. I am choosing to accept that I am who I am, without concealer or curls.